Being an understander is far from a passive role. Indeed, it is a role which can be more difficult for the understander or coach as they might feel they know the answer the person is seeking which can lead to frustration. Further, they often must let go of control or their feeling of knowledge so the coachee can discover solutions for themselves.
One of my coachees once put it like this: They had taken a picture they had painted to their counsellor. The picture was of a river and the coachee placed themselves beside the river. The counsellor looked at the picture and asked, ‘what would it take for you to cross the bridge and join me over here on this side of the river?’ My coachee felt distressed at the suggestion as they perceived the comment as summarising the counsellor’s position as being better than them. As we discussed the picture in our coaching session, we talked about walking along the water together and deciding together whether the bridge was a good crossing point.
The point is the role of the understander is to be there to equip the person to make decisions for themselves rather than to make the decisions for them. We walk with rather than do for.